| short update! |
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| 05:27pm 24/08/2005 |
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so...anyone who isn't already on my friends list, and would like to be...should tell me now and I will add them. Because in the very near future my livejournal will be friends only...and no one, i mean NO ONE will want to miss out on the excitement that is my life!!! but seriously...if you read this already and aren't on my friends list, let me know and I'll add you...cause I'm awesome like that.
okay...
on a different note.
i'm pretty sure i just got kicked out.
yep.
thinking about it more.
i just got kicked out.
so...i'm doing the rest of my laundry...I've packed a whole bunch of shite...tomorrow afternoon i'm asking my dad to take me to the bank so i can withdraw all of my investments...and then by tomorrow night/early friday i will have disappeared into the peterpatch, never to have to deal with the bitchface again...well...at least not on a daily basis.
i really wish my family wasn't so fucked up.
i mean, i have been outright asking for help for the past two weeks because i have been afraid that i am going to kill myself...and they ignore me...right to my face...here's an example:
"hey mum...I've been feeling super down again...and i really think my brain is fucked up again...i really think that i'm going to slit my wrists and try to kill myself again..."
"oh yeah...well if you think YOU have problems...let me tell you about mine...blah blah blah."
so yeah...
no one gets it.
whatever...
i'll move out and disappear.
i've already decided to stay in the peterpatch for thanksgiving...i really don't need to return to this shit hole any more than necessary.
i'm emotionally drained today.
i think that's all that's wrong.
i dunno...but i love you all and it's because of you i'm still here.
~me |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| Le Tragedy... |
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| 04:57pm 19/08/2005 |
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mood:  pissed off
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NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!
ROCKAPALOOZA IS SEMI-SORTA-KINDA-CANCELLED!!!!!!
stupid city...
stupid by laws...
stupid stifling lindsay and its sucking the fun out of anything good that has ever happened in this place.
le suck
~me |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| where oh where has ashley gone??? |
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| 06:56pm 17/08/2005 |
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mood:  sick
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I'M OVER HERE!!!
nope...a little more to the right...a little more...and....THERE!
where have I been?
well.
mostly, I have been sick.
yep.
I am rediculously ill.
nausea is a normal occurence for me as of late.
i actually made rob pull the car over the other day on the way to the funeral because i had to puke...yep...it's just that bad.
so yeah...
vanessa's dad died the other day. she found him in bed apparently. and then nate and gamsby had to respond to the call seeing as they are the firefighters and all. poor girl. so this is another funeral i will be attending some time this week!
erm. i might not have a house to live in anymore.
yep.
eviction may possibly occur.
why?
because my stupid roomate got a dog without telling us, and now the landlord is taking her to court to get her kicked out...and she is pig headed...and i will probably be homeless. hoorah! *le sigh*
man.
i want to not be sick anymore!
i might have mono.
i'm thinking this because kris has mono and they think seth does as well...so the possibility is there. indeed.
i want soup.
soup would make me feel not so sickly.
but alas...no soup for this cat!
rockapalooza is upon us once more...i hope all you bitches are planning on being there...because i wish to have the hangouts and forget all this stupidness of the recent past...capish? i loves you kiddos and that is that.
i'm not looking forward to rockapalooza terribly...it just seems like another hurdle at this moment...but i will force myself to have fun. indeed.
i think i'm going to dye my hair black and purple again before the weekend considering it has almost all washed out now and it looked pretty fly.
anywho.
i'm gonna go lay down now and have a nap...because i need one...because all of the parts of my body have declared themselves independent and i am under their waring plight. boo urns indeed.
love you all, just thought i should drop in to say hello!
~me |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| chippy nail polish is...chippy? i got nothin'. |
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| 12:00am 10/08/2005 |
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mood:  sleepy
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Hilo all from the wonderful land that is my computer room/office dealio!
Man...so where I been at beotches? thank you for asking.
WELL! I spent all weekend in le Oshawa! yes, Oshawa is now french. why? because I say so. SO yeah, much shopping/eating/glow-in-the-dark mini putting to be had by all...and by all I mean me and le Robert.
so yes, sorry I missed le get together at le Janine's house...but as it turns out, I didn't get my Clarinoberinos message until the next day...boo urns and a half to that!
OH! also on saturday I got to spend half the day with my super-fantastically-awesome niece and nephew! It was soooo much fun...but dude! kids where you the freak out!!! Love them to bits...but seriously, I have no idea how people do that every day!!! all props to them...seriously!
And yesterday...well, I had a peterborough adventure with me mum...more shopping including some shmarvelous shoes! I LOVE SHOES!!!
so yeah, many late nights and too much driving equals one tired ashley!
oh i got some horribly sad news today...john and boo's baby was born yesterday...and he was a stillborn. This makes me very sad. I know boo is only 15 and john is only 18, but they were really trying to make a go of things...and they just got their appartment and everything and were trying to make a good life for themselves. My heart is really broken for those kids, even though I don't know them really well...I can't begin to imagine what they are going through right now. *les tears*.
Other than this...my life has been crazy hectic! working TONS! My dad has started trucking stuff to the terminal in T.O. again every thursday...so alas, my Mondays through Wednesdays are busy busy BUSY!!! I do believe that if I never see another clove of garlic in my life it would be too soon!
Things have been pretty okay in my world though.
I've been keeping my mood swings in check and such...which is awesomeness and one third!
Things have also been going pretty okay with Mr. Robman. We've been talking out a lot of shite lately...and have been keeping things on a rockingly good even-keel. (sp? i don't know...you expect me to spell? I'm only an englologist here folks!)
but yeah...I think he is finally seeing things a bit more from my point lately...so he has really been making an effort...which is cool.
I also think the long chat he had with Heather helped. I also had a big relationship chat with Nate...which was cool. Sometimes it's cool to have friends who have been in a six year relationship...they've already been through all the crap and can give you some clarity as to what is going on...which is peachy keen in my books.
So yeah...
what else is happening? herm...let me think...
erm...
I'm crazy looking forward to/dreading going back to school! And it's coming up so fast! *EEP!* There's sooo much to get done before then though...so I suppose I shouldn't worry about that at this exact point in time! Things always work out in that respect...so I will just take it as it comes!
Um...
yeah...
I think I'm going to fetish night at the trash this weekend! should be KILLER! can't wait! I have always missed it before...and people always tell me how fun it is...so this time, I SHALL GO!!! WHOOT!
whatelse?
OH! I got the most awesome bra in existence the other day!!! I NOW HAVE BOOBS!!! EEP!!! I LOVE THEM!!! I figure I can trick mother nature...she tried to cheat me out of my own boobs...so I will just have to buy my own cheap immitation brand...tee hee hee.
anywho...
I do believe I will go to bed now...
another busy day o' work is ahead of me tomorrow!
OH! and Clare...I'm sorry I missed your message tonight!!! I just got it now as I walked in the door...and seeing as it is 12:15...I think I missed the movie! OOPS!!! but seriously...we kids all need to hang out very soon! My lif has just been so nutso lately! and I've been trying to work as much as possible because the cash funds are running a little slim as of late...*boo to the urns!*
but yeah...we'll sort something stupendously awesome out!!! I PROMISE!!! *no crossed fingers behind my back either!* *giggles*
but yes, bedtime it is for this gal!
Luvsyoualltobitsandbites!!!
~me |
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Post |
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| I am a sheep... |
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| 12:32am 09/08/2005 |
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mood: sleepy
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start off with 100% and take 5% off for everything on this list you've done..
1.) smoking
2.) drinking
3.) drugs
4.) gottin fingered or fingering someone
5.) gottin a hand job or given a handjob
6.) french kissing
7.) been felt up
8.) given a blow job or gottin a blowjob
9.) been licked out or licked out someonelse
10.) had sex
11.) had a threesome
12.) given or takin it in the ass
13.) made a sex tape
14.) done any sexual act on school campus
15.) done anything in class
16.) gotten drunk and didn't remember who you had sex with
17.) pissed on someones lawn while drunk
18.) sexual act while family is home
19.) gotten caught havin a party
20.) sexual act in a public place
Grand Spanking Total IS!!! 15%...gawd...the rumours are true! I AM A SLUT!!! |
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| yes, I'm still alive! |
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| 02:32am 06/08/2005 |
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howdy cats!
yes, I'm back...I know...you can all relax now!
so, guess who has black and purple hair!?!?!?! ME!!!!!
yep...it's temporary...but looks superb! (said à la Empire Records)
man...I'm sleepy.
also, apparently the Edge turns into pure awesomeness after 2am on a friday night! who knew!?!?!
dude...I have to be up in like 5 hours to drive me mum to sunderland...BOO URNS!!! sucks to be me!
also, a cop just followed me halfway home...WEIRD! I have also noticed that cops have an annoying habit of following you with their super bright lights right on your bumper...perhaps to make you speed so they can pull you over? who knows! but it sure is obnoxious!
man...i am hungry!
maybe i should make some food? perhaps.
does dogs chewing on their feet annoy anyone else? because it drives me mental. whenever it happens i get the urge to punch someone in the face...and seeing as this is not an urge i normally posses, this is a perfect demonstration of how annoying i find it. indeed.
rob's basement is infested with bugs. it's gross. mostly fleas and flies. i counted over 20 flies on the ceiling over me tonight...it was disgusting. they need some raid, stat! (whew...suddenly i'm on E.R!...it's okay though...even though i'm not a doctor, i play one on tv!)
anywhore...
i should go to bed now...
i think my brain is giving way.
so yeah, love you all! miss you muches!
~me |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| tonight tonight (à la stoned mode) |
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| 11:25pm 03/08/2005 |
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mood:  distressed
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erm.
so.
i feel the need to open my brain right now...
i'm tired of the fighting.
i'm tired of the paranoia.
i'm tired of worrying.
i've wished on so many stars my wishes must have filled the heavens...but all my wish stars have fallen from the sky to be eaten up in a flaming ball of the earth's atmosphere.
my heart is so full of love, but clouded by hate.
i just want to feel right again.
i just want to know that i can be myself.
i want to be acknowledged by those who can't see me...by those who think they see me but only see the facade.
i don't know.
i should stop doing this.
i'm actually having a moment of clarity.
it feels good to write from the heart.
i love you all, and wish you the sweetest of dreams. |
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| ... |
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| 09:07pm 03/08/2005 |
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mood:  crappy
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things are not good.
not good at all.
~me |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| I HAVE A PLAN!!! |
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| 02:11pm 27/07/2005 |
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mood:  high
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*whew...nearly wrote 'flan'...which is something i do not have!*
anywho, my plan is to quit work early.
then get high.
then sleep.
yeah...i'm awesome...
that's my plan.
WHOO HOO!
who wants to get high and take naps with me!?!?! anyone? anyone?
meh, i'm gonna go eat some more pills now...numb the world for a bit...whoot!
~me |
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| confusion |
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| 09:35am 27/07/2005 |
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mood: high
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so...how the hell am i supposed to know what to expect.
we fight constantly...but the sex is awesome.
in one breath he says that we're going to break up when i move to kingston, and then he tells me he wants to move in with me.
i dunno...this kid is weird.
i find out that 'barb'...the girl he supposedly 'wasn't dating' before me....well, i consider inviting her places and doing things together as 'dating'...but maybe i'm just stupid.
and there's still that life-shatteringly aweful news that i will always hate him for.
as well as remaining friends with all these girls that he made out with but 'meant nothing to him'....i swear to god...if he makes me go to kelly's concert this wknd...i'm breaking the fuck up with him. I don't care that it's the day before out one year anniversary...I DON'T WANT TO MEET HER!!! this would be why i call her 'pig face' rob...get it? no? didn't think so!
AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
I hate fighting, but i really think that life is going to shit.
i should be at work today...but i'm late...as usual...i just can't do it anymore...i'm losing my mind.
i need to move back to peterborough asap...before i seriously harm myself here. EEP! SAVE ME!!!
yeah...pdot...that's what i need.
i wish i could be high all day...i would feel so much better in every single way. (i'm a poet!!!)
Mmm...water for breakfast...my family is rich! *dances around the room* well...that would be considered lucky if i lived in a third world nation. so i shouldn't complain...but my station in life has taugh me to expect some sort of food good for breakfast...meh...whatever.
I've been thinking about my 'issues' again...it's weird now, because i can see them from the depressed side but then i see them from the irrational side that has me being a total twat...right? right.
i dunno...
i think i took some pills this morning.
i don't remember what ones.
but i'm feeling pretty drowsy.
pretty high.
pretty out of it.
pretty wanting to end of of this shit now or simply hacking out my brain so it will shut up for 30 fucking seconds!! okay...typing is getting hard now...man...i must have taken a lot of something! this is a weird feeling! okay...i have to stop typing...its creeping me out...i'm going to work now...i'll have to post-pone slitting my wrists until later...the bills have to be paid!
lovesuallmuchly!!!
~me |
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| LIFE: |
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| 09:34am 27/07/2005 |
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mood: rejected
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is a big pile o crap?
yes.
crap.
love you!!!
~me |
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| yeargh,,, |
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| 10:32pm 25/07/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted
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stuff is...
erm?
stuff?
i dunno.
i guess it just is.
mostly it sucks.
mostly i want to punch everybody in the face.
mostly i want to crawl up into a little ball in a hole and die.
mostly everything is hectic and obnoxious and causes me a great deal of annoyance and pain and vomitotious stress.
yeah.
mostly la vie est le shite.
i think i'll start packing soon...i mean, i know i have a month or so...but at least it will seem more real.
i think too much.
i feel like crap today...i think i'm dying...and then i just wanted a chill evening out with my guy and he has to turn all 'paranoid bf' on me and freak out...thus ruining my nite...good one kid...good one.
it's really weird to love someone that much. it's like, i can hate him with every fibre of my being, and still be lost if he were to go away.
yeah...love is a highly overrated thing. i'm surprised most people don't just reject it all together. love makes you want to vomit and slit your wrists. that's what love does. maybe these 'other' ppl who are 'happy' in their relationships have discovered some sort of healthy love that no one has told me about yet...is this possible? *le ponder* maybe i just need healthy love...wait...no...no love at all is better.
if you never give your heart away, you can never have it broken into a bagillion little pieces.
i suppose i'm being too harsh...
it's just been a really bad day.
i suppose i should go to bed and try to recover from this horrible burn-out from which i still appear to be suffering.
this sucks.
i gotta change my life soon or something bad is going to happen.
i can't go on fighting like this.
i can't suffer through the constant fighting for a couple seconds of happiness.
man.
pay no attention to this.
i'm just exhausted and rambling.
hugsnsmooches for all!
~me |
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| It's too cloudy to work! |
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| 09:12am 22/07/2005 |
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mood:  blank
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or...so i keep telling myself.
work started 12 minutes ago...am i there? no. do i care? no.
it looks gross outside...i do not care to experience it.
i just ate a really good muffin...why? because i am awesome!
i think i have a mosquito bite on my heel...most awkward place EVER! *scratch scratch scratch*
i'm quite sleepy right now...it's one of those mornings where i could just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours and be quite content...but alas...my alarm has ensured my early wake up...so up i am.
and i suppose i really should go to work now...even though i am a lazy bum.
but i will talk to you loverly people later!
luvsnhugs!
~me |
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| HOORAY FOR FUN!!! |
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| 07:22pm 21/07/2005 |
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mood: excited
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YYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!
tomorrow is going to rock my socks off!
picnic thinger sounds le sweet!
also, jen...i am willing to do the soccer thinger...only, not play soccer...but if you want to go and watch that would rock! WE COULD BE CHEERLEADERS!!! AND PLAY ON SWINGS!!! CAPS LOCK!!! also, other people should come too!!! *i'm looking at you janine and sarah!!!* *convincing glare!*
so yeah...all in all...funness to the maximum of funosity to be had! so...now we just need to figure out how all of this is going to go down...so...because i'm horrible at planning, i will leave that up to you loverly ladies...and you can call me with the details? just call me whenever...because i will be in the shop all day...and if i have plans, i might be able to get off work early and such...indeed.
OH! and the show saturday is going to rock my face off...ROCK IT OFF!!! my little face will just plummet to the ground and start dancing around all on its own!!! scary...but amusing...but mostly creepy.
so yeah...
all in all...
i am looking forward to this weekend to replenish the joy that has recently been sucked out of my life....that's right...i'm going to suck joy out of you guys! *EEP!*
anywho...i should go to bed now...because i am le tired.
luvuall! can't wait until tomorrow!
nighty night!
~me |
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| sleepy? |
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| 01:12am 20/07/2005 |
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mood: sleepy
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since when did it get to be 1:13 am!
who are you!?!?
what have you done with my time!?!?!
GIVE IT BACK!!!
*run away*
with love,
~me |
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| fuck. |
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| 01:54am 18/07/2005 |
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mood: jealous
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so, I'm going through one of those fazes.
one of the ones where i am jaded by the fact that I am not nor will i ever be a large breasted, uber skinny, tight-tummied, bottle blonde, porn-star-esque, hot-chick.
why are these women so fucking attractive?
why do boys drool over them?
why am i so jealous?
ARGH!
life is sucking right now...I don't think i even want to talk about most of it at the moment.
i'm too tired/addled to clearly state what i need to say.
everything is sucking right now.
i am clutching at straws.
i am desperately trying to make it all worthwhile...but the outlook's not good.
i need a change, and quickly...before i lose my mind.
either i win it all, or i lose it all...at least there would be some sort of conclusion...some sort of closure.
i suppose i am being irrational at the moment.
i'm going to go to bed.
tomorrow's another day.
let's see where that one leads me.
~me |
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| dear brain...you make my head all crazy like...please stop immediately. |
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| 09:57am 14/07/2005 |
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mood: depressed
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you know what i wish?
i wish that the technology that was in 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' was real. i wish that you could just go to the doctor and have him erase someone out of your life, your mind, your memories forever. all the pain, worry, jealousy, heartbreak, etc...just washed away...that would be awesome.
man...
i am sooooo tired!
i think i'm going to die.
i think i might be going to peterborough this weekend? perhaps?
i dunno...we shall see.
i have been quite up and down as of late. it seems that recently it has been more down than up...*le sigh*
this mood thing is going to drive me to insanity! i really can't see myself living the rest of my life with this stupid hell of a brain!
man...i can't wait to get out of this house! i can't wait to move back to peterborough...
i just want to be on my own again!
i just want to live in silence...to box myself up in my tiny little room and not talk to anyone! that would be cool.
i've been thinking about my life a lot lately. and i have decided that i do not like it. i do not like what i was, i do not like what i made myself, i do not like what i have become now...and it seems that since i have been changing myself so much, i have forgotten who i am...or maybe i never really knew to begin with? this is also a possibility.
i don't know how much longer my relationship with rob can last. i realize this is a one-sided thing (on my side) but it scares the crap out of me when i find myself looking at him and in my mind going 'i really don't know if i'm in love with you anymore...' yeah...after all the shit he's put me through lately it's no wonder.
i really hate him (with good reasons i can't tell anyone...sorry)
he understands why i hate him.
it's the most horrible gut-wrenching feeling to realize that you are madly in love with someone you hate, and most of your stress is eminating from that one person that means the most to you.
i love him, don't get me wrong. things are just gonna have to change if i'm gonna stay with him. i keep trying to warn him, but i really don't think he gets it...and i know if i say anything, he'll just freak out and take it the wrong way.
he's a hard one to love.
he makes it hard himself.
i know i'm hard to love as well...but i've been trying to change...i suppose.
i dunno, i'm done with that topic though.
i really do need to be away from this house though...
i really do need to be away from this life...
i wish i could run away...maybe not forever...but just for awhile.
just run away from everything.
just give up on all this shit.
that would be awesome.
anywho, i realize at this point i am simply rambling, so i will stop.
i love you all! i miss you bunches!
~me |
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| stupid question... |
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| 11:47pm 12/07/2005 |
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does anyone remember my blog name?
cuz i sure don't...
what would really be awesome is if someone remembers my blog address!
like if it's hiding away in someone's favourites list or something...
cuz yeah...
i don't remember...
and i wanted to go back and look at it...
but i am a forgetful fool!
the first one to remember wins my eternal love...and perhaps candy...
~me |
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bassamaloochies's journal
